I just came back from a great weekend on Vancouver Island. Grady and I went out to see Sydney at Brentwood College in Mill Bay. My brothers, nephews, oldest son and I all graduated from there, and my dad is still on the board; it has been a huge part of our lives. Brentwood has two mottos – Choose to be, and, Grit and joy. According to my older two children, Choose to be gets flown a lot when you are selecting the school and during orientation, and then it quickly pivots to Grit and joy; heavy on the grit between the months of November and February, when the sun never shines and the sun sets at 4:00 pm. I love these mottoes because they are about process versus outcome. Choose to be captures the essence of Brentwood, where they recognize that there is no one model of a successful Brentwood student and that part of each student’s journey is figuring out who they are and what success looks like for them. Choose to be. I liked these mottos as a parent (since they weren’t part of the school when I was a student), but they have never resonated with me more than they do right now.
The trip out was a bit tricky in that I fainted walking to the boarding gate in Pearson. There is nothing quite as grotty as coming to with your cheek pressed against the floor of the Toronto airport. Grady was a champ and got me upright and off to the side before arranging a wheelchair assist so we didn’t miss our flight. Although I was a bit scrambled, I did have the wits to not update George until I was boarded and buckled, to spare us both the conversation where he wonders if I should come home, and I have to shake off the call. I felt pretty lousy the whole way out, but my sweet cousin Bill was waiting for us and got us home, where I had a 5-hour “nap.” I woke up to have a lovely dinner with him and Day, and then went back to sleep for another 11 hours. You can think of me as a less discerning Goldilocks. I crawl into every unoccupied bed I encounter, and they all feel perfect for napping.
Thursday morning, Bill and I took Grady up to the school to attend classes with the grade 8 students, who will be some of his classmates when he starts in the fall. It gave me an opportunity to have a lovely coffee with Mark Wismer, who will be his house parent. Mark is an incredible man – smart, funny, athletic, and deeply kind and principled. The boys all look up to him, and he talks to them about important issues like why it is hard for men to ask for and accept help, the importance of gratitude, and issues like consent. He is totally committed to them being really decent men, beyond their academic and athletic success. Finn thinks of him as a second father (or maybe a cool uncle). Our chat reaffirmed George’s and my decision to let Grady launch in the fall, even under the current circumstances.
After leaving Grady, we headed back to Victoria and Hew arrived. Although it is not a super convenient trip from Connecticut, and nobody dreams of standing in the cold rain watching a high school regatta in which they have no children competing, he somehow felt compelled to make the effort. Maybe it is because my parents insisted on coming, despite my mom sustaining a black eye, concussion, and three cracked ribs in a fall two weeks previously. Maybe it is because I am now like one of those stupid Tennessee fainting goats that tip over for no reason. Or maybe, it was truly just his love of high school rowing. So hard to tell. But, I am eternally grateful he made the trip as it is clear I now need a significant amount of help. He drove me everywhere, carried things, got us drinks and snacks, and kept an eye on the clock to notice when I would start fading. And it is just really nice to spend so much time together. Choose to be.
Being sick is a bit like being an ageing rockstar in that when you come to town, everyone wants tickets to the show. Just in case it is your last tour. On Thursday night (after another solid nap), I got together with six high school friends at Day’s house, some of whom I have not seen in years. We had a brilliant time and belly laughed until we were sore. It was so uplifting for me, and wonderful to hear what people are up to. (Special shout out to Kelsey Becker Brookes who was recently appointed to the Superior Court of Alberta. She was always the most no-nonsense, straight-shooting member of our group and she will be an awesome judge). We also got to hang out Saturday at the alumni event at school.
Friday, we went up to the school and racing started Friday afternoon. Sydney got Grady signed up for a 3-hour shift of boat holding at the starting docks, which involves lying on your belly and holding boats as they get into position to race. Joy at meeting new Brentwood friends and encountering a squad of noisy sea lions; grit at holding boats as your hands go numb and things start to ache.
We stayed with my good friend from high school (Joey) and her family for the rest of the weekend. Every time I drive the country roads around Brentwood, I think about Joey, and my knees ache, because Joey is a great distance runner and used to routinely drag me with her. Unfortunately, our running was much better than our sense of direction, and in the pre-cell phone era that could lead to trouble. We both remember one particular Sunday run where we turned the wrong direction on McTaggert Rd and ended up near Shawnigan instead of Mill Bay, but had to keep running, or I would miss sign-in. Looking at a map now, it is apparent that we ran close to 32km that day, which would have been our only day off training from rowing!
Sydney had a great heat with her pair partner on Friday and made the A finals. Saturday, she had her single (and made the B final) and then wind delays caused the schedule to be juggled. Her pair had a valiant final on Sunday, with mere seconds between third place and sixth. The weather was still a bit wild and they actually exited the course because they thought they were going to be hit by another boat, although the umpires ruled that they had enough space and did not have to go outside the buoys. Her single final was cancelled due to the compressed schedule. For a kid who was uncertain about continuing with rowing all fall and missed two weeks of training at the beginning of April with a concussion, she is having a great season. Actually, let me rephrase that. She is having a great season. Period. And I am proud of her for overcoming several obstacles. Grit and joy.
The whole weekend was a delightful opportunity to connect with friends and other members of the Brentwood community. The regatta itself is a sight to behold. They had over 1500 athletes from 24 clubs and schools (with about 800 of those sleeping on cots in the gym. Can you just imagine the smell???). When Hew, Morgan and I raced in that regatta, it was all about the rowing. Now, they use the regatta as a chance to showcase other aspects of the students’ accomplishments, such as having a bandstand where school and local performers play/sing, and an art show highlighting students’ work (where we got to see some of Sydney’s photography). There are also a series of food booths put on by the grade 12 Entrepreneurship class. They spend the whole year getting ready for regatta weekend, including getting safe food handling certification, which makes you feel a bit better about taking a hamburger from a 17-year-old who is cooking them on a field. The weekend reflects the incredible leadership at the school, with the headmaster, Bud Patel, seemingly present at every aspect, including a very early morning check of the starting docks on the Friday. Every single student and adult in the school is assigned a task as part of a work crew to make the whole thing run smoothly.
The rowing program itself is flourishing under the leadership of Dave Calder, whom I have known since he was a teenager. Dave rowed with my brother Morgan on the under 19 national team, and then for several years on the national team, including in the 8+ at the Sydney Olympics. (And Dave, please appreciate the restraint I have shown to not post a photo of you and Morgan as teenagers in your matching obnoxious Hawaiian shirts!) He is obviously an amazing athlete and coach, but he is also an absolute force of nature in the joy and optimism he brings to the program. He is a terrific role model to the students and does an excellent job of conveying his expectations related to things inside and outside the boathouse. Oh, and definitely no problem with providing opportunities for students to work on their grit…
Medically, things are not going very well. So, I will continue to choose to be with intention, optimism and courage. And I will use grit to get off every airport floor I hit so that I can experience the joy of family, friends, and some fresh ocean air.
I love reading your thoughtful and inspiring stories Claire! And yes, ugh, that terrible series based on the video game - I am with you on that.
I don't know if this is the place to say it, again, but I am just so in awe of the positive impact that you have on the world. With your inspiring and thoughtful insights as you live with cancer, all the people you have helped through your work, all the people you have mentored to help more people through their work, and just generally being so generous with your time and energy. You are amazing.
What a wonderful summary of Claire's grand weekend at Brentwood! While "choose to be" and "grit & joy" were conjured well after Claire's graduation, the do seem to perfectly fit this truly amazing human. Your School will always be with you and your family. From a very grateful - Head of School